Friday, May 6, 2011

My Place

Some of this feels like it may be stuff I've already said.  If so, smile and nod and pretend like it isn't.

When I moved out of the house back in late January I knew I needed to find a cheap apartment, preferably on the other side of town from the ex and the kids so I wouldn't be running into them at the grocery store or whatever.  I looked at the same place RS and Therese live, but they didn't have one ready, so I ended up renting one in the same complex where me and the ex lived when we first moved into town.

There's probably some interesting psychology there that I have no real interest in exploring.  Because it's probably pretty screwed up.

When I first moved in here,  I completely hated it.  It wasn't home.  It wasn't the house I had bought and worked on.  My kids weren't here.  My stuff wasn't here - or at least not all of it.  It's tiny and my neighbors are loud and uncouth.  I hated it and didn't see how I could ever NOT hate it.

But then time went by.  I remember telling people (probably on here, if I looked) that it wasn't home and never would be - it is a place of exile.  But, as far as places of exile go it's pretty comfortable and nice. 

Then time went on.  And  I got the rest of my stuff here - which, as I talked about last week was a hard thing and had a lot of emotional baggage, but at least it's all HERE.  And that's important.  I found myself this morning, as I cleaned the place, actually feeling like it is home.  And being proud of it.  I think I have a nice place.  RS and Therese can comment on that, because they've been here, but I like what I've done with it.  Not that I'm going all gay interior decorator, like the Ex's new BF, but I think it's nice. 

And it's now home. 

I think for me that old saying is a bit different: Home is where my books are.  They are here, and it's nice. 


  1. Your X's BF is a gay interior decorator? Interesting. . . ;)

    I can relate to 'where me books are, is home'. . .

    I can also relate to the whole 'uncouth neighbors' bit, and growing fonder of a place as you live there longer. When we were first married, we bought a house in the city, rather than the 'burbs; partly 'cuz it was cheap, partly 'cuz we'd each lived there at various times before we were married, partly 'cuz, God bless 'em, as uncouth as some of those neighbors were, they were real people, not trying to project images of who they wanted you to think they were. . . We're now in our third house, and they've all been within a couple blocks of each other. . .

    And heck, Elba wasn't so bad for Napoleon, either. . . ;)

  2. You have a nice home. It is warm and comfortable. The crosses, books, even your pipe on the mantle, all make the home very you. I'm glad that its starting to feel like home, and I'm glad you finally have a place where you can be yourself.

    Oh, and if Captain America IS gay, that would make him the perfect partner for your ex. He would do all the work to make their home pretty and feminine and clean, and she wouldn't have to worry about sleeping with him.

    (Oops. That was pretty snarky. My bad.)

  3. OMG, you just called him Captain America. That is so perfectly awesome. (You would have to know him to know why.) You just made my day with that comment.

  4. I seem to be unsuccessful in posting my comments - computer just doesn't like me today!

  5. Hmmm, I guess that just applies to previous post?!? I was TRYING to high-five Craig for his astute comments: "Huge numbers of our fellow-citizens really have no clue of what marriage IS anymore"

    You must expand on this Captain America reference ;-) however!

  6. I just came to make fun of you for actually using the word "uncouth" in a blog entry.

    I also wanted to point out that I think Captain America's name should always have an EXCLAMATION MARK! after it.