So, back when a lot of this first started - it was actually the first weekend I had my kids at my place - I asked the kids what they would think if some time in the future, when it was the right time and I was ready, I dated someone new and maybe even eventually get remarried. I tend to try and think ahead, and was already thinking along those lines for the future, and was concerned about what they would think and feel about it. I didn't understand yet that one of the strongest dynamics of the new situation is that everything I say to them gets back to Madam X, who then twists it beyond all recognition. So, what she took from all this is, "Daddy says we'll have a new stepmom soon."
Which is, obviously, a bit different.
But there's an interesting thing at play here. One thing I've told just about everyone who would listen one constant mantra since this started (which should have been my first clue that this is something I should explore about myself) that I didn't want this divorce, I didn't start this divorce, and I certainly didn't want my family split up and all this. Yet, I can also say with complete and total and forceful honesty (like I did tonight at my friends' house) that I am really, really rather glad I'm not married to her anymore.
Do these two things contradict each other? Sure. I'm of two minds about the entire thing, which shouldn't be all that surprising. On one hand I really, really don't want to be divorced. On the other, I'm really, really glad I'm not married to her anymore.
She, of course, can't see that. When she hears me say anything (or hears of me saying anything) about not wanting this, or any other such equivocation, she immediately interprets it as lies because, if that's how I really felt then I would have never asked the kids what they would think about me dating again. If I really didn't want to be divorced then I wouldn't even be thinking about dating again.
Well, so, she doesn't get it. That's not really all that new. There's a lot she doesn't get.